The Best - "Out-Of-Office Reply" You can set

"Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

1. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
2. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
3. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
4. Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
   
5. I've run away to join a different circus.
   

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :

1. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

现在的歌名越来越怪了

1. 王心凌《爱你》，S.H.E《我爱你》，Beyond《真的爱你》，李宗盛《我是真的爱你》，言承旭《我是真的真的很爱你》。
　点评：有这么这么复杂么？

2. 王菲《如果你是假的》，邓丽君《假如我是真的》，萧正楠《假如我是假的》，孟庭苇《真的还是假的》 。
　点评：靠，能退货么？

3. 成龙《我是谁》，蟑螂《忘了我是谁》，蔡依林《你是谁》，许志安《忘了你是谁》。
　点评：你们都需要脑白金！

4. 萧亚轩《一辈子做你的女孩》，龙梅子《下辈子做你的女人》。
　点评：不错，成熟了！

5. 朴树《我爱你 再见》，丁薇 《再见 我爱你》
　点评：不送……

6. 苏永康《男人不该让女人流泪》，陈小春《女人不该让男人太累》。
　点评：多么体贴的小夫妻啊！

7. 姜育恒《爱我你怕了吗》，孙燕姿《害怕》，王力宏《不要害怕》，潘玮柏《我不怕》，赵薇《不怕》，郭美美《不怕不怕啦》，郑伊健《怕什么，什么也不怕》。
　点评：真是人多胆子大！

8. 董文华《春天的故事》，杨千桦《夏天的故事》，陈艾玲《秋天的故事》，马天宇《冬天的故事》。　　
　点评：真是天天故事会啊！

Useful Info

您偶爾早上起床會發現自己睡落枕了嗎？
一旦落枕您該怎麼辦？

嚴重一點的，自然是上醫院啦...這一趟下來起碼要七天時間 ....
幸運一點的，雖然不用上醫院看看醫生，但等到脖仔子完全沒事，嘛是要二三天光景，脖子仍然是故障中。

一旦落枕時，只要將你的腳抬起來！把大腳姆指給掰開來，慢慢的以順時或逆時的方向按摩旋轉，則您的落枕，將獲得最大的修復。

如果發覺腳姆指肌肉緊繃，那表示您的脖子兒扭傷了，得要上醫院看看久未碰面的醫生。

記住，左腳管左邊，右腳是管右邊，經常按摩，將直接或間接地疏緩您頸項的肌力，有助於預防您脖子的傷害。尤其是你 ( 妳)們老坐在電腦前面辦公一定要 經常按摩唷 !!

還有一招非常有效 , 屢試不爽,
左腳抽筋時高高的舉起右手 ,
右腳抽筋時高高的舉起左手 ,馬上舒緩.

再提供一個妙方 :
若左腳麻了，用力甩你的右手掌
若右腳麻了，則用力甩你的左手掌

祝各位健康囉！

金玉"涼"言 - 行政院长刘兆玄的讲稿

行政院长刘兆玄在多年前的讲稿,
读来还真的很有意思,
认我们对这位新阁揆有了另一层的认识;
而以下是最近在网路上热门传达的:
金玉[涼]言,
也是很有一番意境呢?

"我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇, 前途一片光明, 但是出路没有."

"钱不是问题, 问题是我没有钱."

"一山不能容二虎, 除非一公和一母."

"宁愿相信世间有鬼, 也不能相信男人的那张嘴!"

"对流血一週仍然不死的动物千万不能大意..."

"男人的谎言可以骗女人一夜, 女人的谎言可以骗男人一生!"

"女人无所谓正派, 正派是因为受到的引诱不夠; 男人无所谓忠诚, 忠诚是因为背叛的筹码太低..."

"我和超人的唯一区別是: 我把內裤穿在裤子里面."

"我身在江湖, 江湖卻没有关於我的传说..."

"水至清则无鱼, 人至贱则无敌."

"喝醉了我谁也不服, 我只要扶墙."

"避孕的效果: 不成功, 便成人."

"问世间情为何物? 一物剋一物."

"生, 容易; 活, 容易; 生活不容易."

"一个人并不孤单, 想一个人时才孤单."

"我不是随便的人, 但随便起来就不是人."

"骑白马的不一定是王子, 可能是唐僧; 带翅膀的不一定是天使, 也可能是[鸟人]."

"流氓不可怕, 就怕流氓有文化."

"水能载舟, 亦能煮粥!"

"聪明的女人对付男人, 而笨的女人对付女人."

What is the Hardest Thing to Break?

Diamonds are hard to find but not hard to break.

The answer is: HABIT
If you break the H, you still have A BIT. If you break the A, you still have BIT. If you break the B, you still have IT!!!

Hey, after you break the T in IT, there is still the "I". The person at the end of the day, is the root of all the problems. Cute???

Now, I know why HABIT is so hard to break. Its destiny is in its name. The word itself.

My lecturer taught me never, never, never to ASSUME . Because it makes an "ASS" out of "U" and "ME"...