OMG!: 2008

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Sunday, November 30, 2008

劉墉先生說道：我有一個朋友，單身半輩子，快五十歲。

突然結了婚，新娘跟他的年齡差不多，徐娘半老、風韻猶存。

只是知道的朋友都竊竊私語：「那女人以前是個演員，嫁了兩任丈夫，都離了婚，現在不紅了，由他撿了個剩貨。」

話不知道，是不是傳到了他耳裏。

有一天，他跟我出去，一邊開車、一邊笑道：
「我這個人，年輕的時候就盼開賓士車，沒錢，買不起；現在呀！還是買不起，買輛三手車。」

他開的確實是輛老賓士，我左右看看說：「三手？看來很好哇！馬力也足！」

「是啊呀！」他大笑了起來。「舊車有什麼不好？就好像我太太，

前面嫁個四川人，又嫁個上海人，還在演藝圈二十多年，大大小小的場面見多了。

現在老了、收了心，沒了以前的嬌氣、浮華氣，卻做得一手四川菜、上海菜，又懂得布置家。

講句實在話，她真正最完美的時候，反而都被我遇上了。」

「你說得真有理！」，

我說：「別人不說，我真看不出來，她竟然是當年的那位豔星。」

「是啊！」他拍著方向盤：「其實想想我自己，我又完美嗎？

我還不是千瘡百孔，有過許多往事、許多荒唐，正因為我們都走過了這些，

所以兩個人都成熟，都知道讓、都知道忍，這不完美，正是一種完美啊！」

不完美，正是一種完美！

我們老了、都鏽了、都千瘡百孔了。

總隔一陣子就去看醫生，來修補我們殘破的身軀，我們又何必要求自己擁有的人、事物，都完美無暇，沒有缺點呢？

看得慣殘破，也是歷練、是豁達、是成熟，是一種人生的境界啊！

親愛的朋友
我們都是不完美的人
應該相互體諒、相互包容
溫柔的相待和扶持的相守，不是嗎？

Thursday, November 27, 2008

笑死人的十二星座

白羊座

媽媽經常叮囑羊羊：「穿裙子時不可以盪鞦韆；不然，會被小男生看到裏面的小內褲哦！」
有一天，羊羊高興地對媽媽說：「今天我和小明比賽盪鞦韆，我贏了！」
媽媽生氣地說：「不是告訴過你嗎？穿裙子時不要盪鞦韆！」
羊羊驕傲地說：「可是我好聰明哦！我把裏面的小內褲脫掉了，這樣他就看不到我的小內褲了！」
（勇敢直率、敢作敢為的白羊）

金牛座

賣瓜小販：「快來吃西瓜，不甜不要錢！」
饑渴的牛牛：「哇！太好了，老闆，來個不甜的！」
（持家、想出軌，又顧全自己的金牛）

雙子座

媽媽叫雙雙起床：「快點起來！公雞都叫好幾遍了！」
雙雙說：「公雞叫和我有什麼關係？我又不是母雞！」
（自我意識強烈、自行思維的雙子）

巨蟹座

公車上，蟹蟹說：「今晚我要和媽媽睡！」
媽媽問道：「你將來娶了媳婦也和媽媽睡啊？」
蟹蟹不假思索：「嗯！」
媽媽又問：「那你媳婦怎麼辦？」
蟹蟹想了半天，說：「好辦，讓她跟爸爸睡！」
媽媽：「！＠＃＄％︿＆＊（ ……-」
再看爸爸，已經熱淚盈眶啦！
（戀母情結、依戀的巨蟹）

獅子座

獅獅去參加奶奶的壽宴。
到了吃壽包的時 ? 獅獅問：「我們為什麼要吃這種像屁股的壽包？」
眾人聽了臉色大變。
接著獅獅撥開壽包，看看裏面的豆沙，說：「奶奶，快看！裏面還有大便！」
眾人暈的暈，吐的吐。
（以自我感受、不怕旁人眼光的驕傲的獅子）

處女座

處處對肚臍很好奇，就問爸爸。
爸爸把臍帶連著胎兒與母體的道理簡單地講了一下，說：
「嬰兒離開母體之後，醫生把臍帶減斷，並打了一個結，後來就成了肚臍。」
處處：「那醫生為什麼不打個蝴蝶結？」
（好奇心強又追求完美的處女）

天秤座

父親對天天說：「今天不要上學了，昨晚．．．你媽給你生了兩個弟弟。你跟老師說一下就行了。」
天天卻回答：「爸爸，我只說生了一個；另一個，我想留著下星期不想上時再說！」
（聰明、權衡利弊的天平）

天蠍座

蠍蠍剛睡著，就被蚊子叮了一口。
他起來趕蚊子，卻怎麼也趕不出去。沒法，便指著蚊子說：「好吧，你不出去我出去！」
邊說邊出了房間，把門使勁關嚴得意地說：「哼！我今晚不進屋，非把你餓死不可！」
（搞不懂、不按常理出牌的天蠍）

射手座

射射：「爸爸，為什麼你有那麼多白頭髮？」
爸爸：「因為你不乖，所以爸爸有好多白頭髮呀！」
射射： …… （疑惑中）
射射：「那為什麼爺爺全部都是白頭髮？」
爸爸：「！＠＃＄％︿＆＊! （ …… 」
（喜歡思考的射手）

摩羯座

一天，羯羯跟媽媽上街；走在路上，突然下起雨來。
媽媽拉過羯羯的小手，說：「下雨了，快往前跑啊！」
羯羯慢條斯理地問：「那前面就不下雨嘍！？」
（明白現實，懶得改變的摩羯）

水瓶座

瓶瓶問媽媽：「為什麼稱蔣先生為『先人』？」
媽媽說：「因為〝先人〞是對死去的人的稱呼。」
瓶瓶說：「那去世的奶奶，是不是要叫『鮮奶』？」
（天生的另類、腦筋思考永遠和常人不一樣的水瓶）

雙魚座

爸爸給魚魚講小時候經常挨餓的事。
聽完後，魚魚兩眼含淚，十分同情地問：
「哦，爸爸，你是因為沒飯吃才來我們家的嗎？」
（含豐富的同情心、不分情況的雙魚）

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

原來平凡才是幸福！

人生要的不多，原來簡單的擁有，就是幸福！
祝福好朋友都能有屬於自己的幸福。

有一組學生在課堂上被問到，列出他們心裡認為「現今世界上的七個奇蹟」。

大部分學生的答案是：

埃及的金字塔
印度的泰姬陵
美國的大峽谷
巴拿馬運河
美國的帝國大廈
羅馬的聖彼得大教堂
中國的萬里長城

當老師在收學生的答案時，其中有一個小女生遲遲無法寫完。

老師跟這個小女孩說，如果她有什麼問題而寫不完的話，老師可以給她一點協助。

這個小女孩說：是的，老師！我有個小小的問題...我腦海裡有好多世界上發生的奇蹟，但是，我沒有辦法決定該選哪七個才好...

老師說：沒關係，請你告訴我們，你想到了什麼，我們來幫幫你的忙！

小女生猶豫了一下，她說：我覺得，世界上的七個奇蹟是...

我們能看見世界上美好的事物（To See)
我們可以聽的到蟲鳴鳥叫和快樂的歌聲（To Hear）
我們能觸摸新奇有趣的東西（To Touch）
我們能品嚐美味的食物（To Taste）
我們可以感覺到親友的關懷（To Feel）
我們可以隨心所欲的大笑（To Laugh）
我們能愛人與被愛（To Love）

小女生說完後，整的教室突然間安靜了下來...

因為，在我們的生命中，人們常常忽略了「最簡單而最平凡的」，而這些才是我們生命中的「奇蹟」！！！

不爽﹐生氣﹐抓狂﹐哭笑不得的分別

有一天﹐

兒子問爸爸: 爸爸, 不爽﹐生氣﹐抓狂﹐哭笑不得的分別是甚麼意思﹖

爸爸﹕要解釋很難﹐不如讓我來示範。

首先﹐爸爸拿了一本電話簿﹐隨機選出一個人。然後打電話給那個人。順便把電話調到擴音器模式。

VICTIM﹕HELLO﹖

爸爸﹕HELLO﹐ 請問ABDULLAH BADAWI在家嗎﹖

VICTIM﹕你打錯電話啦﹗

爸﹕你不要騙我啦﹗

VICTIM﹕我騙你幹嘛﹗神經病﹗ (蓋了電話)

爸﹕哪﹐兒子﹐這個就是 "不爽"。現在來看甚麼是生氣。

(兒子點頭)

(過了5分鐘﹐爸爸再打一次電話給那個人)

VICTIM﹕HELLO﹖

爸﹕請問ABDULLAH BADAWI有在家嗎﹖

VICTIM﹕怎麼又是你﹖都跟你講了你打錯電話了﹗

爸﹕我沒打錯電話啊﹗

VICTIM﹕你這個神經病﹐你到底是誰﹖

爸﹕我是誰你還不懂﹖我是NAJIB啦﹗

VICTIM﹕%^&*$#@﹗你是NAJIB我還ANWAR咧﹗白痴﹗(大力蓋電話)

爸﹕哪﹐兒子。這個就是"生氣"。懂了嗎﹖

兒子﹕喔我懂了﹗

爸﹕現在來看下甚麼是抓狂﹗(又打電話給那個可憐的人)

那個人一拿起電話就咆哮了﹗

VICTIM﹕你這個吃飽沒事做的神經病﹗整天打電話來干擾我﹐要不是我的電話沒有CALLER ID我早就報警了你這個變態佬。。。。

爸﹕(刻意壓低聲音)ERM。。。。請問林先生在嗎。。。。﹖

VICTIM﹕啊﹗很對不起﹗剛剛有個變態一直打電話來。。。

爸﹕喔﹐沒關係﹐請問ABDULLAH BADAWI在家嗎﹖

VICTIM﹕ ##$W$#^^%$E$%^$&^%R%^$^&%^$^%$﹗﹗﹗﹗﹗

這一次﹐爸爸蓋上了電話。

爸﹕你現在知道分別了吧﹗等下你媽媽要回來了﹐我們可以吃晚餐了﹗

兒子﹕可是爸爸﹐你還沒有講解甚麼是哭笑不得﹖

爸﹕喔﹐那個要等到晚上12點啦﹗

(晚上12點﹐爸爸搖醒兒子﹐然後又打電話給那個人)

VICTIM﹕HELLO。。。。。﹖(睡到一半被吵醒)

爸﹕我是ABDULLAH BADAWI﹐有誰打電話找我啊﹖

VICTIM﹕。。。。。。。。。。。。

爸爸好厲害啊﹗

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Career Growth Meter

Saturday, November 8, 2008

對別人好，就是快樂自己

某天，小張要去相親，因為沒有看過對方，擔心她長得太醜，

於是交代朋友，十分鐘後call他的手機，這樣他就可以藉機遁逃。

到了約會地點之後，小張發現女方驚為天人，

於是心想，等一下手機響不要回就好了。

沒想到，美女的手機這時候響了起來，美女聽了兩秒後，對小張說：

『對不起，朋友有急事找我，我要先走了……』

有一個男人在派對上對男主人說：

『今天的美女真多，要是待會兒我泡上一個，

你可不可以把樓上的房間借我一用。』

主人說：『那你老婆怎麼辦？』

這人說：『放心，她不會想念我的，我只失縱一下而已。』

主人說：

『我不是說這個，我是說十五分鐘前，她才向我借了樓上的房間。』

有一個老光棍，他並沒有什麼嗜好，

只是喜歡在睡覺前喝一點葡萄酒自娛。

然而，他發現這幾天有人偷了他的酒。

他便懷疑偷酒的是他的佣人，於是就把酒倒出來，

再裝入他的小便。但裝小便的酒，仍然每天減少。

他很不高興的把佣人叫來，責備一番。

『不，我並沒有偷喝！』

佣人說：

『我是想做味道更香更可口的菜給您吃，

所以我每天燒菜時，都加了一點在裡面。』

從這三則短文中各位有沒有發現什麼共通之處呢？

沒錯，你怎麼對別人，別人就怎麼對你；

你給別人什麼，別人就回報你什麼。

說得更白一點就是，你給別人的，其實是給自己的。

就像我在前面說過的，不管你丟出去什麼，

或是…想了、說了、做了什麼，最後都會回到你身上，不是嗎？

你給別人的，其實是給自己…

自食惡果的事說都說不完，讓我們再聽下面的故事：

在一家簡陋的酒館裡，正在喝大杯啤酒的李先生，突然覺得內急，

他匆匆忙忙站了起來，又想到上廁所時，酒可能被別人偷喝，

猶豫一會後，他找到一張紙，寫上：《我吐口水在這裡！》，

把它放在杯子下面，然後才放心的去上廁所。

過了幾分鐘後，李先生回來時，他看到另一張紙寫道：

《我也吐了一口在這裡！》。

哈！哈！哈！

你給別人的，其實是給自己的。

你說是不是呢？

你所給予的，都會回到你身上…

如果，你對人冷淡，別人也會回以冷漠；

如果，你經常批評別人，你也會接收到許多的批評；

如果，你總是擺一張臭臉，沒錯，別人也不會給你好臉色。

所有你所給予的，都會回到你身上。

套句詩人奧登（W.H.Auden）的話：

『人受惡意之作弄，必作惡以回報。』

如果你陷害別人，哪天你也會遭人陷害。

同樣的道理……

當你帶給別人歡樂，你就會得到歡樂；

帶給別人祝福，你就會得到別人的祝福；

如果你經常讚美別人，不久你也會聽到有人在讚美你，

《你給別人的，其實是給自己的！》。

你讓他人經歷什麼，有一天你也將自己經歷；

你怎麼對待你的父母，將來你的孩子也會怎麼對待你。

我想許多人一定聽過，

格林童話中有一則關於一位老人和兒子住在一起的故事。

老人的耳力已經不行了，眼睛也看不見，

顫抖的雙手經常把飯菜洒得滿地，碗也常打破，

兒子夫婦倆感到非常厭煩，給老爸爸一付木製碗筷，

把他趕到廚房幽暗的角落，不准和大家一起用餐。

有一天，兒子看到自己的兒子用刀片消木頭，

他好奇的問孩子要做什麼。

結果孩子回答：『我在替你準備將來要用的木碗、木筷。』

從此以後，年老的父親又回到餐桌上吃飯，家人也都非常孝順他。

農夫的哲理

地球是圓的，整個世界都在繞著圈子，

不論你傷害誰，就長遠來看，你都是傷害到你自己，

或許你現在並沒有覺知，但它一定會繞回來。

所以，如果你佔了別人什麼便宜，

先別得意，很快你就會為此付出代價；

反過來，若是別人對你做了什麼，你也無需氣憤，

不必去報復，任何他們所做的，他們都將自食惡果。

《凡你對別人所做的，就是對自己所做的。》

這是歷來最偉大的教誨。

不管你對別人做了什麼，

那個真正接收的人，並不是別人，而是你自己；

同理，當你給予他人，當你為別人付出，

那個真正獲利的也不是別人，而是你自己。

有一個農夫的玉米品種，每年都榮獲最佳產品獎，

而他也總是將自己的冠軍種籽，毫不吝惜地分贈給其他農友。

有人問他為什麼這麼大方？

他說：

『我對別人好，其實是為自己好。

風吹著花粉四處飛散，如果鄰家播種的是次等的種籽，

在傳粉的過程中，自然會影響我的玉米品質。

因此，我很樂意其他農友都播種同一優良品種。』

他的話看似簡單卻深富哲理，凡你對別人所做的，就是對自己所做的。

所以，凡事你希望自己得到的，你必須先讓別人得到。

保證有效的秘方

就像那個農夫一樣，

如果你想要得到冠軍的品種，就要給別人冠軍的種籽。

你若想被愛，就要先去愛人；

你期望被人關心，就要先去關心別人；

你想要別人對你好，就要先對別人好。

這是一個保證有效的秘方，可以適用在任何情況。

如果你希望交到真心的朋友，你就必須先對朋友真心，

然後你會發現朋友也開始對你真心；如果你希望快樂，

那就去帶給別人快樂，不久你就會發現自己愈來愈快樂。

明白了嗎？

我們所能為自己做的最好的事情，就是去為他人多做點好事。

《己所欲，施於人。》

凡你想給予自己的經驗，就給予別人；

想別人怎麼對你，就怎麼對待別人。

感恩過去…把握當下…創造未來…

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

给老婆买礼物

三個男人正在酒吧中討論他們買給自己老婆的禮物。
第一個男人說：「我買了一個可以在六秒內從 0 到 100 的東西」
另兩個男人不知道他指的是什麼，所以他揭露答案：「我買給我老婆一台相當不錯的保時捷」
第二個男人也說：「我買了個可以在四秒內從 0 到 100 的東西。」
「那一定是法拉利，對吧？」
「答對了！我買給我老婆一台相當棒的紅色法拉利」
第三個男人開口說：「我買給我老婆一個在兩秒內從 0-100 的東西。」
「不可能的！法拉利是世界上最快的車種了！」
「恩 ... 那不是一台車啦 ... 那是 ..... 」

請看圖檔 ~~~~！

Friday, October 31, 2008

Hit Your Goals

A Personal Development Blog to guide you to success.

What is Hit Your Goals all about?

Hit Your Goals ( HealthMoneySuccess.com )is a blog (weblog) aimed at people who want to learn more about personal development and the life skills that are needed for your success in the harsh world.

You will find

Regularly updated articles on personal development aimed to help you grow and succeed in life.
Audio Podcast recordings on personal development and life skills that you can download and listen to in MP3 player or in your computer speakers. ( Podcast coming up soon )
Personal development newsletter that will you can subscribe to receive free weekly newsletter containing tips on personal development.

HealthMoneySuccess.com content is produced by Vincent, a young guy from Singapore. He always believe that the normal education system does not teach people on how to live the life they want. The school does not teach you life skills that are needed in order to prosper in life. Instead, We are taught to be an expert on solving algebra equations yet not taught on how to manage our own finances, dealing with procrastination, dealing with anger, networking or directing ourselves to success. All we know is to study hard, get a good job and work through out our life. You will wonder what have you done in your whole life when you are old if we had followed the normal education stream.

Vincent decided to change all these and started Hit Your Goals ( www.HealthMoneySuccess.com ) to teach people on personal development and the life skills that they need in order to prosper in their life.

Check back often to find new articles to aid you in your destiny towards success.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Interview

（老闆面試新人）

老板：萬分歡迎，沒有你我們的公司肯定大不一樣！

職員：如果工作太累，搞不好我會辭職的

老板：放心，我不會讓這樣的事情發生的！

職員：我雙休日可以休息嗎？

老板：當然了！這是底線！

職員：平時會天天加班到凌晨嗎？

老板：不可能，誰告訴你的？

職員：有餐費補貼嗎？

老板：還用說嗎，絕對比同行都高！

職員：有沒有工作猝死的風險？

老板：不會！你怎麼會有這種念頭？

職員：公司會定期組織旅遊嗎？

老板：這是我們的明文規定！

職員：那我需要準時上班嗎？

老板：不，看情況吧

職員：工資呢？會準時發嗎？

老板：一向如此！

職員：事情全是新員工做嗎？

老板：怎麼可能，你上頭還有很多資深同事！

職員：如果領導職位有空缺，我可以參與競爭嗎啊？

老板：毫無疑問，這是我們公司賴以生存的機制！

職員：你不會是在騙我吧？

(已經工作的從後往前讀！)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

80/20 Rule - Lesson of Love

Interesting quote from the movie 'Why did I get married?'

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT

But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. 'Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not'

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature .

You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: 'I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . ..'

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have.

Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!

That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.

But I'm not just talking about marriage.

I'm talking about life!

About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing? 'They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!'

I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class -- because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?

The main message???

If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Four Wives

There was a rich merchant who had four wives.

He loved the fourth wife the most. He adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the third wife very much. He is very proud of her and always wanted to show her off to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his second wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his second wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's first wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have four wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the fourth wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the fourth wife and she walked away without another word. The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart.

The sad merchant then asked the third wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the third wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the second wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the second wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"

Actually we all have four wives in our lives.

The fourth wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

The third wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

The second wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

The first wife, something you can't see, is in fact our soul. Often neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure. It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament.

What will you do about it?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

HR Officers & Engineers

Three real life stories...

First:

Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope. There were ten HR people and one engineer.

Since the rope was not strong enough to hold all the eleven, they decided that one of them had to let go to save all the others.

They could not decide who should be the volunteer. Finally the engineer said he would let go of the rope since engineers are used to do everything for the company. They forsake their family, don't claim all of their expenses and do a lot of overtime without getting anything in return.

When he finished his moving speech all the HR people began to clap...

Moral: Never underestimate the powers of the engineer.

Second:

A group of engineers and a group of HR people take a train to a conference. Each HR person holds a ticket. But the entire group of engineers has bought only one ticket for a single passenger. The HR people are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant engineers will finally get what they deserve.

Suddenly one of the engineers calls out: "The conductor is coming!". At once, all the engineers jump up and squeeze into one of the toilets. The conductor checks the tickets of the HR people. When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: "Ticket, please!". One of the engineers slides the single ticket under the doors and the conductor continues merrily on his round.

For the return trip the HR people decide to use the same trick. They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they are baffled as they realize that the engineers didn't buy any tickets at all. After a while one of the engineers announces again: "The conductor is coming!". Immediately all the HR people race to a toilet and lock themselves in.

All the engineers leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the last engineer enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied by the HR people and says: "Ticket, please!".

Moral: HR people like to use the methods of the engineers, but they don't really understand them.

Third:

Once upon a time three HR people were walking through the woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild river. But they desperately had to get to the other side. But how, with such a raging torrent?

The first HR guy knelt down and prayed to the Lord: "Lord, please give me the strength to cross the river!" The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could swim across the river. It took him about two hours and he almost drowned several times. But, he was successful!

The second HR guy, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and said: "Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary tools to cross this river!" The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times. But, he was successful!

The third HR man who observed all this knelt down and prayed: "Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!" The Lord converted the HR man into an engineer. He took a quick glance on the map, walked a few meters upstream and crossed the bridge.

Moral: You have to be an engineer to think intelligent, otherwise...GOD HELP YOU!

P.S. Proud To Be An Engineer!

北马人遇见南马人

90个冷知识

90个冷知识看你知道多少？

看看你的拉链，如果上面有YKK三个字母，那么说明这是全球最大的拉链制造商Yoshida Kogyo Kabushibibaisha的产品。
麦当劳40百分号的利润来自Happy Meals的销售。
1996版的韦伯斯特词典有315处拼写错误。
每天平均有12个新生儿被交给错误的父母。
巧克力对于狗来说是致命的，只要几盎斯就可以使一只小狗，因为心脏和神经系统受损而死亡。
19世纪30年代番茄酱是作为药品来销售的。
达芬奇可以一手写字，同时另一手作画。
剪刀是达芬奇发明的。
描绘蒙娜丽莎的嘴唇花费了达芬奇10年的时间。
二战期间颁发的奥斯卡奖座是木制的，因为当时金属是稀缺物资。
拉斯维加斯的赌场都没有钟。
李小龙的动作非常快，快到看不清，所以拍电影时只好放慢胶片的速度。
仰面躺着并缓缓地抬起双腿，可以免于陷入流沙之中。
驱蚊水并不驱蚊而是干扰蚊子的感觉器官，这样它们就找不到人在哪里。
牙医建议，牙刷应放置于距离盥洗室至少6英尺远，以避开冲马桶时产生并漂浮于空气中的各种微粒。
最早被打上条形码的产品是箭牌口香糖。
迈克尔.乔丹每年从耐克得到的收入多于马来西亚的耐克工厂工人的薪水总和。
玛丽莲.梦露的一只脚上有6个指头。
希特勒的母亲曾考虑堕胎，不过被医生劝阻了。
一生中人会脱落40磅的皮肤。
要是不小心被鳄鱼咬到了，你就狠狠地戳它的眼球，它会放你走。
人平均只需7分钟就可以入睡。
在菲律宾溜溜球曾被作为武器。
猫是圣经里面唯一没有提到的家养动物。
冷藏时橡皮筋可以保存得更好。
56百分号的键盘录入由左手完成。
”dreamt”是唯一以”mt”结尾的英文单词。
即使没有头，蟑螂仍可存活10天。
打喷嚏时无法睁着眼睛。
墨西哥城每年下沉10英寸。
睡眠时的脑比看电视时更活跃。
80百分号的美国人最喜欢蓝色。
在这个星球上鸡比人多。
大拇指的指甲长得最慢，中指的指甲长得最快。
在美国华盛顿电话比人还多。
48个最贫困的国家其资产总和还比不上全球最富有的三大家族。
万宝路香烟公司的第一任老总死于肺癌。
聪明人的头发中含有更多的锌和铜。
世界上最年轻的父母是1910年一对中国的小孩，分别8岁和9岁。
出生时，我们的眼睛多大，现在还是多大。但是鼻子和耳朵一直都在长。
睡觉时耗费的热量比看电视时还要多。
人不睡觉大约10天就会死亡。
切洋葱时嚼口香糖就不会流泪。
蒙娜丽莎没有眉毛。
如果月亮正好在头顶上方，那么你的体重会稍微的减少。
发明了电话的亚历山大.贝尔从未给他的母亲或妻子打过电话，因为她们都失聪了。
”I am.”是英语中最短的完整句。
如同指纹，每个人的舌纹都不同。
”bookkeeper”是英语中唯一一个连续3次重复字母的单词。
惯用右手的人们平均比惯用左手的人们寿命长9年。
”The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”用到了英语中所有的字母。
如果所有的中国人排成一线从你面前走过，由于过高的出生率，这条线将永远没有尽头。
在中国使用英语的人比美国还多。
人体每平方英寸的皮肤包含有20英尺长的血管。
人平均每天使用洗手间6次。
婴儿出生时有300块骨骼，成人后只有206块。
胡须是生长速度最快的人体毛发。如果一名男性从不修容，终其一生他将蓄出30英尺长的胡须
先有鸡还是先有蛋？根据《圣经创世纪 1:20-22》，先有鸡。
仍在使用的最长的地名是：Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturi-Pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu，那是新西兰的一处丘陵。
如果你早上7点乘坐飞机离开东京，那么当你到达檀香山的时候，时间是昨天下午4点半。
澳大利亚帕凯斯天文台的科学家们曾以为他们接收到了来自地外文明的电波，经过调查，发现那道电波其实来自天文台里的一个微波炉。
戴耳塞一小时，耳朵里的细菌数量将是原来的700倍。
一个French kiss可以交换超过40000个寄生虫和250种细菌。
男性较女性视力好，女性较男性听力好。
可口可乐最初是绿色的。
世界上最常见的名字是：穆罕默德。
如果不把”north”和”south”算在内，在英语中，七大州的首尾字母都相同。
平均每个美国人有两张信用卡。
”typewriter”是用QWERTY键盘的单排按键所能够写出的最长英文单词。
失明的女性是男性的两倍。
人不会因为屏息而死。
当你打喷嚏的时候，你的心脏会停止跳动约1毫秒。
猪无法看到天空。
”Sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick”是英语中最绕口的绕口令。
过于剧烈的喷嚏会震裂肋骨，而试图憋住喷嚏将使颈部或者颅内的血管破裂从而致命。
扑克牌中每个花色的K都代表着历史上的伟大君王：黑桃是大卫王，梅花是亚历山大大帝，红桃是查理大帝，方块是凯撒大帝。
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321。
当你看到一尊骑士的雕像，如果马是四脚腾空的，那么此人战死沙场。
同上，如果马的一只前脚抬起，那么此人因在战斗中负重伤而牺牲。
同上，如果马的四脚皆着地，那么此人死于自然原因。
蜂蜜不会变质。
鳄鱼无法伸出它的舌头。
蜗牛一觉可以睡上3年。
所有的北极熊都是左撇子。
1987年，美国航空公司在向头等舱提供的每份沙拉中，减少1颗橄榄，从而节省了40000 美元。
蝴蝶的味觉器官在它们的脚上。
大象跳不起来。
在过去的4000年里，没有新的动物被驯养。
一般来说，人们害怕蜘蛛胜过死亡。
”assassination”和”bump”这两个词是莎士比亚创造的。

Monday, October 13, 2008

人与人的相遇

人与人的相遇, 就象是一人随机样
在不同的时间空间之中, 彼此相遇

有些时候, 你会发现
你一开始最看不顺眼的人
竟然不知不觉变成了你的好友
因为你发现了他(她)的好

有些时候, 你根本不想去认识一个人
你觉得无趣, 后来你却发现他(她)
却是你所想要认识的那种人

任何一个人
都会对新的事物充满好奇而感兴趣
因此就会试着用心与时间去探索

如果每一个人都在等待那个开始...
都在等待对方给予一个微笑先
都在等待对方付出先
那么今天的你, 我, 他
或许就不可能相识
从此就错过这份缘

有些人你就是有一见如故的感受
有些人你怎样就是说不上几句话
象是一部公车, 大家在这一站上车
又在另一站下车

事事总是充满变数与未知...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

英语竟能如此搞笑

某次英文考试有两道题目：
1）我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
2）他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。

正确答案应为：
1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.
2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.

但是某生的答案是：
1）Shit!
2）Hello?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！

------------------------------------------------------------------------

某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，
忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

一次为一个初中小孩搞家教，在其英语课本上发现如下恐怖字眼：爸死（bus ）爷死（yes ）哥死（girls）妹死（Mis）……死光（school）

------------------------------------------------------------------------

小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答说：sorry I don’t understand your English.
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文.......

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Two Choices

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!”

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing his style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all the time. How do you do it?”

Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”

“Yeah right, it’s not that easy,” I protested.

“Yes it is,” Jerry replied. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You can choose to react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line is it’s your choice how you live life.”

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later I heard that Jerry had done something you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business—he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After eighteen hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?” I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery tool place?

Jerry responded, “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door. Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices—I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

Jerry continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes I read, He’s a dead man. I knew I had to take action.”

"What did you do?” I then asked.

“Well there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. Yes!” I replied. The doctors and nurses paused as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, “Bullets” Over their laughter, I told them, “I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.”

Jerry lived, thanks to the skills of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

選擇

人因為有選擇，所以變得違反規則...

一般人生活在現今繁榮的經濟體系下，在任何人、事、物中都有很多的選擇，也因為有太多的選擇，所以舉棋不定、猶豫不決變成了大部份人的習慣。

當你看著別桌跟你吃的不一樣時，你可能開始懷疑是不是他們的比較好吃？所以每當拿起菜單目錄看到林林總總一大推的菜名，你只好又開始舉棋不定啦！

當你看到朋友、同學日子過的不錯，你可能開始懷疑自己是不是入錯行、選錯公司了,於是三心二意、工作不力，下場只好每下愈況。
當你逛街看到美女、辣妹，你可能懷疑自己是不是娶錯老婆、交錯女朋友？回家便沒好臉色看！感情怎麼會好？

也因為選擇多了，更容易使自己迷失、不知道自己要的是什麼？

記得有次正好遇到一位友人正為車事和他老婆吵架，勸了很久，這位友人都聽不下去，於是我問這位相當愛車的友人︰

『假如這輩子你只能買一部喜歡的車，也不能換，那你會如何保養這部車？』

友人很興奮的說︰『那我會用最好的機油、準時保養、常常洗車.........。』

我邊點頭微笑邊聽他講了一大堆，這時我又問︰

『那假如這輩子你只能娶一個老婆，也不能換，那你會如何對待她？』
這時友人臉一紅，摟著老婆伸手跟我握手說︰『我知道答案了！』

一瞬間友人看老婆的眼神都變了...

有時侯沒有選擇會比有選擇好！
如果沒有選擇，生命是一連串孤立的片刻。
靠著回憶和幻想，許多意義浮現了，
在消失與浮現不斷的重複之中獲得解放與安慰。

好好珍惜身邊的人吧........

『在身邊默默為你付出的人，我們往往都不懂得珍惜，
不要因為有了選擇而去錯過..身邊的寶...』

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

New Dictionary word

There are possible plans underway to apply to the Oxford and Webster to include a new word for their 2009 dictionary:

badawi [baa-daa-wee] (noun): To start something full of promise but end in disappointment, failure and/or disaster.

Eg:

'I'm trusting you to perform this task well; don't do a badawi, ok?'

'Whatever I do, I will always find a way to badawise it.'

France badawied their Euro 2008 campaign. England pre-badawied theirs, while Italy were guilty of over-badawification.

Monday, October 6, 2008

开会诗

居然可以把無聊的開會寫得如此一針見血又幽默....真絕.....
事情是這樣發生的．．．
老闆：「咳咳！．．．現在開會耶！你以為上作文課呀？」
員工：「．．．＠＃＄％」
於是．．．這首詩就這樣被貼在公布欄上了．．．
想必道出不少上班族的無奈心聲∼∼∼

喜歡看書嗎（送你１００本）